We got the birds fallin out the sky & the man on the corner saying that the world is coming to an end. We got every country on earth that has a name you can’t hardly pronounce at war with another funny named country. We got the preacher man quoting scriptures sayin that “He’s coming back. The signs are all around us.”

Now the real question of the day is: whats really going on? Is the world going to end anytime soon? Worry not for I am here & I bring with me  answers, in real talk for real people.

Since nobody (myself included) has a crystal ball with a built in digital clock on it and this aint the movies; we have to watch for the signs. Oh yeah there are irrefutable signs, but you’ll surely miss them unless you know what they are.

So let’s clear up the confusion here & now with my handy dandy list of the twelve signs that the end is near.

1. FAT GIRLS IN SPANDEX – fuk the birds fallin outta the sky, we got super large women running around here in pants so tight you can see the blood gushing thru their veins.  This is a bad sign for two reasons; one: this is evidence that people are losing their damn minds & two: this unsightly shit can cause blindness on a massive scale. Cut it out big mommas before you kill us all.
2. WOCKA – when a muhfukka in his 20’s that can’t even read or talk has more money than both of your hard working ass parents, this is surely a sign that the world is going 90 miles per hour on the Ass-Backwards Highway. To be fair Wocka, is not the only one I’m just using him as an example cuz he is so damn stupid that his rap name (that he picked out all by himself) is Swahili for ‘retarded’.
3. MICHAEL VICK – when the people of the United States would stand up and send a man to prison over some abuse to dogs but let another man slide on a white collar crime that meant thousands of retired workers would not be getting their hard earned pensions then you know that we are headed for the lowest pits of hell with the quickness. I see more commercials on TV talking about helping abused dogs than I do talking about helping homeless people & abused kids in America) Kiss y’alls asses good-bye.
4. THE POPE – when the holiest man on earth is reportedly blockin efforts to expose pedophiles in the church that can not be a good sign at all; unless… wait a minute, maybe there is a secret eleventh commandment that says “Thou Shalt Cover For Thy Homiez.” We are in trouble people.
5. OBAMA & TED WILLIAMS – when the most powerful nation on the planet elects a black man as president you know that there is something strange going on, especially when his identical twin brother is a homeless alcoholic with a golden radio voice. This is a sign of the end of days for sure becuz even tho America elected his ass, they are cock-blockin everything he tries to do – he is just the modern day captain of the TITANIC.
6. CHRIS POGO ALLEN – when a country ass, butt ugly, stale joke tellin, wanna be entertainer with a nickname that sounds like a gay kinky sexual position can have more facebook fans than me, then its time to join you a church if you haven’t already cuz pretty soon night will be day & dumb will be smart.
7. TWILIGHT – When more people care about team Edward & Jacob than they do about Team Education, then our future is in jeopardy. When Twilight grosses more money than is being spent trying to fix up these dilapidated ass overcrowded schools that’s producing WOCKA’s by the boatload then ‘we the people’ are in a world are on the verge of taking the ultimate hit in the mouth.
8. FACEBOOK – this is a sign that we have moved into the future. We are recreating who we are in a cyber environment. In other worlds muthafukkaz are cashing in their real lives to play look at me on a plastic machine that sits on their kitchen table. People are fallin in love, fallin in hate, losing their jobs, going to jail, searching for old friends and looking for new victims all from the convenience of their living rooms & cell phones thank to Facebook & other social networking sites. When we start caring more about what’s happening online than whats going on with our neighbors then bend over cuz we are fucked.
9. THE ECONOMY – joblessness is off the hook, people are losing their homes left & right, business are moving overseas & WalMart who is putting a megafoot in the ass of businesses large and small wont even give its workers benefits. All this is the result of a few greedy bastards screwing over the masses. The world aint new to this shit, but it’s escalating to an out of control level. Pack your bags people cuz we are gone.
10. KEVIN HART – this hillbilly lookin, legal midget ass muhfukka can go on facebook and tell a whack ass joke & get 2,500 LIKES ? this is a clear sign that can only mean one thing: folks are holding celebrities dicks like they used to try and touch Jesus’ garment. When we forget that celebrities are just people, they shit, fart & have morning breath like the rest of us then we are heading for a place when keepin it real is no longer the order of the day & worshipping false idols may be just around the corner – it’s been nice knowing y’all.
11. JUSTIN BEIBER- I don’t know if he’s a boy or a girl or something in between and I really don’t give a fuck but when he is on TV teachin people how to DOUGIE damn near a year after the fukn dance came out, this tells me two things. 1. America is still on black peoples dicks & 2. They still don’t wanna give props where they belong.  This is a bad sign because it says that for as far as we have come, and for as much that has changed, we haven’t moved at all & nothing has really changed.
12. JENNIFER HUDSON – this is one sexy ass woman, but my point is that in all the years that Weight Watchers has been trickin fat people outta their money with a bogus promise of miraculous results they finally did something right. I’m half tempted to overeat & get fat just so I can join weight watchers, lose weight & start singing like Jennfier does. Ok so maybe this isn’t really a bad sign – but I thought it was worth mentioning.

Peace & enjoy your journey

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